Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
