i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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