Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
