It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
