You just made me feel so damn special
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
