i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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