I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
