And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
