im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
