Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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