so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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