He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
