what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
