i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Farmville is her only friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
