I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
