with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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