I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
