i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
