My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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