Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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