It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
