So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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