What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
