I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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