No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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