all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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