What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
