She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
