It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
