i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
