Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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