Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm always down for nudity.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
