More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
