those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
