He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is Oprah even human
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
