so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
