Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
