She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
