i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
