I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
