census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
