are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
