She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
