Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
