toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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