The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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