I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
