I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
