I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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