Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
