Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
