All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
