Kiss
Puke
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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