I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
