Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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